While so many Instagram users would kill to have a million followers, Selena Gomez, with her over 113 million followers says she ends up feeling like shit whenever she visits the application.
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The singer reveals that it is an overwhelming experience having so many followers and that was turning her into an internet addict.
Being the most followed on the social app, Selena Gomez confessed that at a point she had to stay away and currently she does not have access to Instagram as the app is no longer on her phone.
In her first ever feature on celebrity magazine, Vogue cover for April, Selena shares her story on being the most followed person on Instagram and how she handles the depression that comes with the feeling that she is never enough for her fans.
“As soon as I became the most followed person on Instagram, I sort of freaked out. It had become so consuming to me. It’s what I woke up to and went to sleep to.
“I was an addict, and it felt like I was seeing things I didn’t want to see, like it was putting things in my head that I didn’t want to care about. I always end up feeling like shit when I look at Instagram. Which is why I’m kind of under the radar, ghosting it a bit.
“My self-esteem was shot. I was depressed, anxious. I started to have panic attacks right before getting onstage or right after leaving the stage.
“Basically, I felt I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t capable. I felt I wasn’t giving my fans anything, and they could see it—which, I think, was a complete distortion.
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“I was so used to performing for kids. At concerts, I used to make the entire crowd raise up their pinkies and make a pinky promise never to allow anybody to make them feel that they weren’t good enough.
“Suddenly I have kids smoking and drinking at my shows, people in their 20s, 30s, and I’m looking into their eyes, and I don’t know what to say.
“I couldn’t say, ‘Everybody, let’s pinky-promise that you’re beautiful!’ It doesn’t work that way, and I know it because I’m dealing with the same shit they’re dealing with.
“What I wanted to say is that life is so stressful, and I get the desire to just escape it.
“But I wasn’t figuring my own stuff out, so I felt I had no wisdom to share. And so maybe I thought everybody out there was thinking, This is a waste of time.”
Selena’s Instagram record was broken in February when Beyonce posted pregnant pictures of herself while announcing she was expecting a set of twins.
Within 48 hours of sharing the post, BBeyonce’s picture became the most liked picture on the internet with over 7million likes, beating Selena’s most like picture which was posted in June 2016 with over a million likes.
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Sadly, the singer is not thrilled by all of those internet buzz as she says its freaks her out. Selena also revealed that the audience responds to her music performances and concerts have changed and she is still struggling to keep up with that.